Complaint Department #1: Are the military really heroes?

Enough is enough. I am tired of turning on the television here in La Casa Del Sylvia and hearing how much of an honor we must give to our heroes, the returning vets from Desert-whatever-the-hell-this-war-is-called. Tired of hearing these people are heroes over and over. They are NOT heroes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that’s not a popular opinion, but I know I am not alone here. Soldiers are heroes when they actually do something heroic. Simply signing up and going to the desert is not heroic. Besides, most people who enlist are not going to be deployed to Afghanistan. Many are stationed in Hawaii, or Germany. Or San Diego. These are not heroes, they are young men (and few women) who are going into the armed services to get money for college.

There is a reason so many marriages fail once the guy enters the military. Most of them cheat, cheat, cheat on their spouse. Big heroes, those guys. Don’t believe me? Military divorce rates in 2011 are the highest they have been since 1999, at 3.7%. The Air Force is 3.9. while nearly 5% of marriages ended in divorce that year.

Stop saying these young guys, drunk most of the time when not actually on duty, are “fighting for our freedom”. Bullshit. Most of them are not fighting at all, but refueling a KC-135 out of McConnell Air Force Base in Kansas. Besides which, most enlisted soldiers come from low education, broken families in some of the worse neighborhoods in the U.S. They can’t even name half of the freedoms they are fighting for.

So yeah, I respect the ideal of our fighting men. I know my ass isn’t picking up an M-16 anytime soon and heading to Afghanistan. Hell, I ain’t picking up a wrench and heading to Kansas! But I am sick and tired of everyone calling them heroes. They are assholes, just like you and I. No different.

Yeah, you don’t share my opinion, I know. Not least ways that you could say in public, anyway.

Now, before you send your hateful and angry feedback in, blasting me for my unpopular (but honest) opinion, let me tell you a true, but brief, story.

She is mid-20s. She has a child from an earlier relationship. This child has some issues, and desperately has need of a father figure, seeing as his own daddy didn’t stick around. So this sweet young woman with a heart of gold finds herself an honest and trustworthy sort. He don’t have much money, and neither does she, but he marries her just the same. He becomes that much needed father figure. Hell, the boy starts calling him daddy. So to make a better future for his new bride and new son, he enlists in the army. Technically, the reserves. Before he goes off to basic training, this really nice guy knocks up his very sweet and good natured wife. The family will be getting bigger! (It was a boy, if you want to know) He commits to adopting the older boy after his basic training is over. He goes off, starts Basic, and tells his wife to rent a nice house so that when he gets home, they have a house to raise the family in.

Guess where this is going? Yup, he cheats on her at Basic. This is not a 19 year old kid, but a grown man of 30. He meets an even younger woman who lives by the base he trains at, and you can figure out the rest. He keeps the secret for a while, telling his pregnant wife at home that on weekends or leave, all the younger men in his company spends almost all their free time hooking up with women close to the base. Married, single, it don’t matter to the men in his company. They all cheat, he tells her. Hell, he says, the military encourages it! They look right at the marries soldiers and nod, wink, and tell them “use protection, son, you don’t want to carry any nasty surprises back to your wife! HAHAHA!” Heroes my ass.